This is my last offical entry that counts for my grade. It has actually been nice being able to vent on this thing. I mean I am not one for talking on a blog about my personal life, but of course since we had too it became quite interesting.
I’m still pretty stressed about about what to do with my whole class and career thing. I have a plan and I think it might actually work, but I have to talk to my advisor about it. Of course she is going to think that I have gone completely nuts cause I am going to attempt the impossible. But you know those are the crazy things I tend to do.
I think the only thing that is really still stressing me out a bit is still the whole money thing. I mean I know it’s not like I can work any fast or harder for Ry to find a job I just need to have some faith. I mean I made fun of my friends husband cause he was out of a job for a whole year and I thought to myself wow what a loser and here I am in the same situation. Ry hasn’t been out of a job for a year, but it’s almost 6 months.
He is probably going to register at RCC which is better then nothing. I mean honestly he is clean slate. He has never been to college. I tell him all the time that you can do and be whoever you want to be. I can not.
I can but that would mean having to go back and take other classes that I am not interested in. I just want him to know that if he wanted to be doctor or a lawyer he could cause he hasn’t taken any classes or anything yet.
I guess I just need ot have some faith and in time all things will work. I love him and my family and part of me feels like I am failing cause no matter how many times something stupid happens. Someone loses their job, we move, etc…
Well like I said this is the last entry. Hope you enjoyed.
Well my head still hurts from trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do about school. I mean I know it’s been mentioned before about my dumb GPA, but I think a big part of me wants have options. I mean as far as what do I want to do with my life. Like do I want to do this program or that program? well the thing is is that I can’t decided, but in talking with my family I came to realize that the most important part of all this school stuff is to be able to have versatility.
You know what I mean. I mean that I need to be able to do what I want whenever I want to. If I want to teach then I can teach if I want to do counseling then I should be able to do counseling. But it’s hard for me to decide right now when my GPA seems to be a bit of a struggle for me at this point. I mean I think I can do it but there is so much outside pressure.
I think a lot of it is the fact that Ry still doesn’t have a job. I know the economy is so bad right now, but I need freaking money and that is what is majorly ruling my decision right now. So many people I have talked to tell me that I am thinking way too much into the future. But do I not need to be prepared. I mean to be honest isn’t not being prepared how I got into this mess in the first place?
I want to be able to tell my children that they can be and do whatever they want to do. I don’t myself to be the one that has hindered me from doing what I want to do. Or what I am good at. So I guess it eases my mind a bit. I’ll graduate in June and I will retake those darn classes that I need to take to fix my stupid grade point average. I just feel so dumb that I had this brillant idea now. I mean I’m smart why didn’t I think of this earlier.
I don’t want it to be late to fix or repair. I have to do it now or it can’t be fixed later. It’s not like I can get my degree and go oh crap I need to fix this class so I can get into a masters program.
Well here I am again trying to figure out what the hect I want to do with school. I just feel so much pressure because I have to figure out what I want to do and quickly. I have till June. Here’s the deal my grade point average when I graduate needs to be at a 2.75 or above. If it’s not it will be extremely difficult for me to get into any Masters programs. Do I even want to get into a Master’s program? I don’t know. I meanw it the way things are going right now with no one having a job it may very well be the wisest choice. I mean really you going to pick the person who has a masters degree or just some person who has experience.
I don’t know. Seeing my educational background makes people feel like you are more educated and you are up for the challenge and capable of learning. Well at least that is what I would think. Ya know. Anyhow, I just feel like I need to really have my ducks in a row cause I don’t want to make a mistake. I mean something that I can’t fix. Like I mess up my grade point average and then I wouldn’t be able to do a masters program.
I was talking my friend and believe it or not she actually made me feel better. She said why do you need all those things those are just material things. It’s not about having all that stuff it’s about you being happy and doing what you want to do in life. That’s what it’s really about. I guess she’s right. I mean what would be the point of a nice house and a fancy car if I wasn’t happy. I mean that would be kind of stupid. I wish I had a bit more direction. I will figure it out I’m sure.
It’s always the same thing. Unfortunately, it revolves around money. Of course now with the holidays so close by you tend to feel the pain more. You know the one in your pocket, especially if you have children. I mean I really want to teach the boys the value of Christmas. Of the good things about it not just the gift giving portion of it. I want them to understand what it’s like for children who do not have any money at all. Or even get the opportunity to celebrate Christmas.
I mean last week I went through all the boys toys to be able to give it to an orphanage somewhere so other children can play with them and have something for Christmas. Let me tell you I came out of the closet with a large box of action figures, another box of puzzles, some toy guns, etc. When you see how much money went into all that stuff you learn that maybe just buying frevioulously isn’t the best way to teach your kids things.
I want to bake cookies with them, go see the lights, maybe see some Christmas carolers if we can. (I’ve neverr seen any) But that is what I would like to do. Not to mention it would save us money. Ryan feels worthless cause he can’t find a job. I tried to explain to him it’s not just him and I know he knows that, but it’s still hard with the holidays and all. All I can do is pray that things will get better and start lookin up. But you can’t hope for those things if you arent willing to do everything in your power to fix them. Can you? I mean we are so much better off then other people.
We are all healthy, we have food, our bills are paid(for the most part), we have a place to sleep, and clothes on our back. The extras will come when they come. It’s hard to explain that to a 9 and 5year old though ya know.
There are so many things that I am interested in doing in life that I am not sure what it is that I really want to do. I think I am afraid that all the effort I have made will be for nothing. I mean maybe I really am just worrying too much about stuff that will ultimately be out of my hands, but on the same note. What if I am not worrying enough? I mean I think I have come to a certain point in my life where I have grown up quite a bit, I have realized that no one is going to do it for me, and that waiting till the last minute is not going to get me anywhere. I’m glad that I have come to that realization. I just think that I have become the type of person who looks to the future and really tries to plan as much as I can.
But I guess you can’t always plan everything ya know. I mean here I am trying to figure out a way to get a better job and never to have to worry about losing it. That’s not realistic? Is it? My situation stinks a bit cause my husband still doesn’t have a job and my concern is money. I mean part of all am thinking about career wise is that. Money. I don’t have enough and where can I get more. And when and how can I get it quickly.
So I guess I really am trying to evaluate what is it that I want to do. I mean I know that I am good with people and I don’t think I can teach children. I mean younger children my patience level isn’t there. But I would like to be able to do something that will allow me to be home for my kids. But I dont want to keep going to school after they are gone just because I have now decided that its my turn to go back yet again.
So my son turned 9 on Monday and we had a really nice family party for him. We figured since money was a bit tight this year that we would go ahead and do something just with the family. So we all went to John’s Incredible pizza in Riverside. It was my dad, sister, brother in law, nephew, etc. It was a really nice time. I was really happy about the way it turned out cause I felt bad.
My oldest son is in 4th grade and he seems to be going through something lately. He implies all the time that kids don’t like him at school and that he has no friends. It stinks because I know it’s just a phase, but I feel bad cause no one should be sitting by themselves or not having any friends.
So Tris got a ipod for his birthday and my dad seems to think that we are making our kids grow up so fast. Like why does he already have an ipod. It stinks cause all the kids at school seem to have one and even some have cell phones. I know at 9 but I’m getting off the topic. So the rule of taking the ipod to school is that he keeps his grades up. He has been having some trouble with the 4th grade transition.
So he got an F on his Math test and then his ipod got taken away. We have been having trouble with lots of stuff for him. He wont do this or he won’t do that or he can’t or whatever. Anyhow, that’s enough of him and in the same note Zach my youngest we had a conference for him.
Oh my son is brilliant he just can’t focus on anything apparently. So there is one kid who just refuses to do anything and the other who can’t cause he has ADHD. Not really but you know what I mean. I’m just kind of at my wits end. And the low and behold my son gets a 100% on a test that he normally would F.
Help I’ve taken away everything, but it’s just hard ya know.
Well today is like any other day. Except for the fact that my husband who is doing a temporary type of job said that his “boss” was thinking of trying to pay him more to keep him there. Hello!!! I need him to get a real job something with some medical insurance. I mean fortunately the kids have full coverage with Healthy families, but him and I have nothing. I mean even I who doesn’t get sick very often will need some form of medical insurance eventually ya know.
I guess my aggreviation with that is that I don’t mind for him to do this job especially if it pays really well. But he used to get paid well before and look what happened to that job they laid off almost 2200 people. It’s been 6 months almost and I just think that he needs to find something he likes and would be willing to do later on in life.
You can’t always depend on this job working out forever. Ya know I mean what kind of fall back does he have. I think that’s where my concern is is with security. You want to do this job great, but what if it goes under also and then we have a house, and other more expensive bills and nothing to fall back on. So him and I agreed we would talk more about.
So today pretty much started out like any other day. I got up early to go running and of course, guess who didn’t run. Me!! yep you guessed. I’ve been trying really hard to get back into the feel of things, but it’s really hard. It’s funny because every since I really started trying my best to eat well it has actually been a lot hard financally. I mean Ryan, my husband started doing the weight watchers with me a few weeks ago only to find out that you definately have to go the grocery store and stock up on stuff. Hello if you don’t you can eat anything, but your “points” won’t allow just anything. The whole point of the points is to learn to eat properly. You do that by getting an alloted amount of points that weight watchers gives you and then you try and make sure you eat all the points without gong over. So for example the lower things in points you eat the more food you can eat and still maintain points for a special snack or something later.
It helped me lose a bunch of weight, but it still costs money unfortunately. I mean eating healthy is expensive otherwise poor people wouldn’t be dying of starvation and malnutrient right? Eeeww!! Of of the somber issue.
Anyhow work was work, my husband still hasn’t found a job and in the decline he’s lucky to be finding anything at all. He did find something just to be able to help a bit with the bills but he doesn’t get paid till next Friday. Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!! Money money money.
Anyhow the reason for my irritation is because it was about 4:00pm today and Ry calls me to tell me he just walked into the house and the electricity is off. I was like how is that I just paid the darn bill ya know. Well apparently miss anal who takes care of all the bills didn’t remember to put them all togethe or must of missed one. There was a balance due before Oct. 10th or the electricity would be shut off, but I totally thought it was due on the 29th. Long story short we have no electricity till tomorrow. No one cared that we had kids. We pretty much got a big S.O.L. So the worst part of that situation is this.
Tonight is soccer practice for both my 9 year old and 5 year old sons. Ry coaches Zach’s team (he’s the 5 year old) and he still had to go pay the dumb electricity, call back and make sure that she got the information, pick up the boys(at different schools mind you), go home get dressed for practice, come home (in the dark) and do homework with my oldest who decided he was going to hang out at school and not do one ounce of his homework, and find something to eat. ALL IN THE FLIPPING DARK!!!!!!
Okay now I’m all right. It just upsets me cause I am never late on my bills and with my husband not having a job it puts a bit of a kink on things. Ya know. But I can handle it. M son will be turning 9 in 3 weeks and money just stinks. Why do there have to be so many darn bills? Why can’t eveything be simple? Why can’t the dumb electric company cut me a break seeing as how I have never not once been late? But things don’t work that way. Unfortunately.
Well I better go before I get stuck on another tangent–Tristin’s school, or homework.
Well yesterday my oldest son, Tristin, and I went to the toy store because I owed him a toy or something he wanted for fasting during the month of Ramadan. He fasted 1/2 the day till noon everyday cause he isn’t old enough to fast all day long.. Usually when children are about 10 years old they can go ahead and do that.
Fast I mean. But I told him if he did it the whole month I would get him whatever he wanted. He mentioned possibly an ipod shuffle. They are only about $50, but money has been a bit tight since Ry( my husband) got laid off in May. It’s been kind of hard monetary wise and I feel bad for the boys cause I want to be able to still keep my promises to them ya know.
Anyhow Tristin and I went to Toys R Us and I swear it was the best conversation I have had with my 8 year old yet. It’s usually pretty easy to talk to him when his 5 year old brother isn’t around, but sometimes he doesn’t really follow through or listen to the whole conversation when you talk to him. Anyhow he told me that he only wanted to buy a pack or two of these pokeman cards that he had wanted. I thought to myself what I sweet boy. He basically told me that he didn’t want me to have to spend that much money cause he knew that right now we really didnt have too much extra.
I couldn’t believe that he actually understood and didn’t throw a fit or anything like that. I mean usually I get him flipping out and getting upset about something. I mean for an 8 year old who is turning 9 in November he’s pretty mature, but it was probably the most mature conversation I have had yet with him. On the way home he and I were discussing school, college and why it is so important to attend. I felt like it was a good time to really explain why we push him so hard to do well. (He’s in 4th grade)
Well I’m sure I will think of more stuff to rant about next week or in a few days.
This is the first day of my blog. I have never done a blog before so I am new to all this stuff. I actually think that it should be quite interesting, but very time consuming. Today at work my boss wasn’t there and it actually felt kind of nice not having someone hounding us or looking over around shoulders. But even though he wasn’t there I felt a lot more unmotivated then I usually do. Unfortunately when he is there I feel like I am a lot more productive. It is nice once in a while not to have to worry about that, but on the same note not. Does that even make sense?
I feel like sometimes it’s pointless to try and do my best at work due to the fact that he always seems to acknowledge other people at work and not me. I mean I am probably the first one to always get reprimanded or made an example out of. It’s not just me saying this. Everyone at works says this also that he would never speak to them the way he speaks to me. I don’t know maybe he feels that because I am the youngest (almost 8 years) that he can’t treat me with the same maturity level as everyone else.
I mean he did actually mention that he seems to forget that I am not immature and that he really needs to remember that and he apologized, but what does that mean? Does that mean that he treats me like that cause he thinks I am immature? Am I just babbling? Yep I think so also. Okay I’m signing off for the night I’ll check in later this week.
